Hey folks, Elliott here. Jose asked if I’d like to take a shot at the ‘Question of the Week’ and after hemming and hawing a bit (Jose is pretty good at coming up with great questions) I decided, ‘yeah sure.’ So here’s an easy one:
What/who are you going to be dressing up as for Halloween this year? And if you have a costume, is it store bought or did you make it yourself?
Bonus points if you include a link to a photo of yourself in your costume!
And I thought fanboys were all getting screwed over by Marvel when they decided to release the Who Will Wield the Shield one-shot after the END of the Captain America: Reborn miniseries. I guess the five issue miniseries didn’t actually end at #5. Silly me.
CAPTAIN AMERICA REBORN #6 (of 6)
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Pencils & Wraparound Cover by BRYAN HITCH
Cover by JOHN CASSADAY
Variant Cover by JOE QUESADA
The story so big we needed another issue to finish it! The return of Captain America! The fight for the body and soul and mind of Steve Rogers! Avengers versus the Red Skull and his cronies! The biggest finale of the year is finally here! Brought to you by Ed Brubaker, Bryan Hitch and Butch Guice!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99
So, how do you feel about initially being committed to buy a five issue miniseries that now necessitates you to ALSO buy a one-shot AND a sixth issue to get the full story? Get the lube ready fanboys. This assfuck from Marvel is gonna be extra deep.
Thanks to CCW reader djsweet for bringing this to my attention.
Title: Dark Avengers #10
Writer: Brian Bendis
Art: Mike Deodato
I’m going to be completely honest with you. I have been sitting here staring at a blank screen on my laptop for the last twenty minutes trying to think of a way to tackle this review. Scratch that. I should say that I am trying to think of a somewhat CLEVER way to tackle this review but I can’t think of one. Though, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a book so god damn boring and uncreative could in any way inspire a creative review. It’s like this comic is just a black hole sucking out all of the creativity and imagination from my mind. And with no creativity or imagination around to write a clever review all I am left with is my fucking anger. My fucking anger for, yet again, having to read another pointless Bendis comic. My anger for, yet again, having to read his “cool and witty” dialogue. My anger for, yet again, him insulting women. I should point out in his defense that he didn’t have a character randomly call Ms. Marvel a whore in this issue but instead Bendis actually MADE Ms. Marvel a whore in this issue. He sure puts the ‘ass’ in ‘class’ doesn’t he? But we’ll get back to that point in a minute.
Issue #10 begins with very quick 5 page story of two college women driving through a town called Dinosaur located in the state of Colorado. One of the women, who is the daughter of the U.S. Secretary of State, is being taken on a road trip by her BFF to get away for a while from her cheating boyfriend. While stopping at a diner for a pee (women, huh? you can’t take them anywhere without them having them go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. Am I right guys?) something unspeakable happens to the two college students off panel and they go missing. Moral of the Bendis Story? Girls, stay in your abusive relationships with your cheating boyfriends and under no circumstances should you ever leave them or something quite terrible will happen to you. That’s what I took away from this cautionary tale anyway.
After that little prologue we are greeted by a splash page of Ares cutting the Man-Thing in two with his battle ax. Why? Because Man-Thing was apparently on Norman Osborn’s Shit List…or something like that. But as we all know Man-Thing can’t really totally be cut in half because he can regenerate and stuff so this little bit really makes no sense but that has never stopped Bendis before. After the bisection of Man-Thing, Bullsye and Ares have some cute little dialogue between themselves…but what’s this? One of the Dark Avengers feels kinda bad for the Man-Thing and that Dark Avenger in none other than Venom. It turns out that the medication dose that Victoria Hand has been giving Gargan is a little off which is now making Venom…a little off. And yes, this fucking “Venom acting like a pussy because of his meds” joke goes throughout the ENTIRE fucking issue. Bendis is all about subtlety don’t ya know. At least he didn’t have Venom eat someone, yet again, in this issue.
The next scene takes place in Avengers Tower during the following morning where we find the Dark Avengers…eating breakfast, YET AGAIN, and drinking coffee, YET AGAIN. What the fuck, man? I swear to fucking god that that is all the New Avengers and Dark Avengers do in their comics. They sit around their kitchen table eating breakfast/chinese food and drinking coffee. Drink coffee and eat and eat and drink coffee. That is some high concept superhero shit right there me friends. Jeeeeezus. Ok, back to the DA eating breakfast and some awesome Bendis dialogue:
Ms. Marvel (asking Victoria Hand): Where is Osborn?
Bullseye: Why? Is he next on your to-do list?
Ms. Marvel: No. You are.
Bullseye: You couldn’t even come close to handling it.
Ms. Marvel: Try me.
Aaaand then the two make “fuck me” eyes at each other for another couple of panels. Here’s some more classic Bendis:
Bendis Baby Wolverine: Where is Osborn?
Victoria Hand: He’s got a lot on his plate. Not just you guys.
Bendis Baby Wolverine: You don’t know.
Ares: Leave it be.
Bendis Baby Wolverine: No. I can smell a lie. Especially on A WOMAN. They reek when they lie. And she’s lying.
So, what, do guys small like fresh picked roses when they lie? Why in Fuck City am I reading this in an “Avengers” comic? And why do editor’s think that it’s ok to print this shit in a Marvel comic? I’m glad though to see Bendis had some more insults left in his Bag O’ Misogyny. I was kinda getting worried there for a while that he had finally come to his senses.
I had some other observations about this comic I was going to make but let’s just jump right to the biggest problem I had with it. A few pages after talking about banging each other we see Bullseye and Ms. Marvel having another conversation which leads to Ms. Marvel taking off her top and “seductively(?)” inviting Bullseye into her room. In the last panel of the page we see a huge shit eating grin on Bulleye’s face. I can not relay to you in words alone how completely classless this page is. And when I see Bullseye’s bald headed face all I can think of is Brian Bendis finding it awesome that he is finally getting to write Ms. Marvel as the whore that he thinks she is. Now, before you get all in my face about this bullshit, I am quite certain that she is playing Bullseye in some way that will benefit Marvel Boy…but still, a better writer would have thought of a more imaginative way about doing it without making a Marvel character into a whore. I guess that’s just Bendis writing what he knows, huh?
I think that’s where I am going to end this review. There is some other shit that happens with The Sentry and a cliff hanger ending that Bendis completely pulls out of his ass. And that’s about it. The cliffhanger, I think, is supposed to make the reader sympathize with Osborn and the Dark Avengers because of the situation they are put in but I could really care less about them so it doesn’t really work. Now, if they all die in the next issue I would definitely care about that because it will have meant that Marvel finally did something right.
In this week’s ‘Who’s Getting What’ post I proclaimed that I would not be picking up Amazing Spider-Man until Dan Slott comes back. Well, he’s coming back to write the book in January and it looks like this will be well worth the wait for me. Slott is bringing my favorite post-OMD Spidey artist Marcos Martin and my favorite Spidey villain Mysterio with him for the ride. I really can’t put into words how fucking excited I am for this little run. The above cover for issue #619 is so damn striking. That ‘Amazing’ logo reminds me of the days when this used to be my must have comic every month.
Here are the solicitations and the cover to issue #618 as well:
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #618
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by MARCOS MARTIN
Variant Cover by JOE QUINONES
MYSTERIOUS: Chapter One
MYSTERIO is back from the dead…and he’s not alone!
When deceased members of the Maggia crime family return from beyond the grave, the balance of power shifts in their gang war with Hammerhead and the Inner-Demons. Can Spider-Man and crime scene investigator, Carlie Cooper, solve this mystery…before it gets a little too personal?
PLUS: Secret sides of both Mr. Negative and J. Jonah Jameson Sr. revealed, a disturbing turn for Aunt May, the reappearance of ANOTHER Spider-Villain — all this and the return of Dan Slott & Marcos Martin to the pages of Amazing Spider-Man.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #619
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by MARCOS MARTIN
MYSTERIOUS: Chapter Two
SPIDER-MAN versus MYSTERIO!
How long can Mysterio play with Spidey’s head before the web-slinger finally snaps?! The mind games keep ratcheting up as the body count goes up, down, and…into the negatives? Some bad guys just won’t die and others can’t stay dead! So which long-thought deceased Spider-Man character is back now?! It may only be January, but get ready for the most unbelievable Spider-Man moment of the year!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99
The number one spot went to Blackest Night which beat Captain America: Reborn for the second straight month. Seems like more people are interested in seeing Elongated Man come back to life in zombie form than they are in seeing Steve Rogers “rebirth.” Batman and Robin, Green Lantern, Green Lantern Corps, BN: Batman and BN: Superman were the other DC books in the Top 10. I guess I am not surprised at all to see that droves of fanboys paid $4.99 for one of the worst comics I have ever read and helped Old Man Logan reach the #5 spot. That is so completely sad. You know what’s not sad though? Detective Comics managed to barely stay in the Top 25 through sheer awesomeness alone.
Marvel did pretty much rule the rest of the Top 25. The second issues of Marvel’s Ultimate U relaunch fared quite poorly if you ask me. That’s really too bad, huh?
And for those of us that care: Agents of Atlas #10 and #11 came in at the 135th and 136th spots respectively. Sigh…
1. Blackest Night #3
2. Captain American: Reborn #3
3. Batman and Robin #4
4. Green Lantern #46 (Blackest Night)
5. Wolverine Giant-Size Old Man Logan #1
6. Blackest Night: Batman #2
7. New Avengers #57
8. Green Lantern Corps #40 (Blackest Night)
9. Dark Avengers #9
10. Blackest Night: Superman #2
11. Batman #690
12. Dark Avengers / Uncanny X-Men: Exodus DAX
13. Uncanny X-Men #515
14. Amazing Spider-Man #606
15. Ultimate Comics Avengers #2
16. Thor #603
17. Blackest Night: Titans #2
18. Amazing Spider-Man #604
19. Amazing Spider-Man #605
20. Amazing Spider-Man #607
21. Dark Wolverine #78
22. Dark Reign The List: Avengers One Shot
23. Hulk #15
24. Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #2
25. Detective Comics #857
Let’s get right down to it, shall we? Here’s my list:
Beasts of Burden #2
Invincible Iron Man #19
Power Girl #6
3 Image books, 2 Marvel, 1 DC and 1 Dark Horse. Last week I didn’t buy any Marvel comics and this week I am buying more independent books than I am of Marvel and DC combined. That’s yet another first for me I believe. I am kinda on the fence about the new Brave and the Bold though so we will see if that holds up.
One book that I no longer on the fence about is Amazing Spider-Man. I am done with that book until Dan Slott comes back. That last Black Cat story was pretty bad but now I have to deal with repercussions of the Clone Saga? Uh uh, fuck that noise, I’m out. When I saw Kaine on the final page of the last issue I knew that I would no longer be buying Amazing for a while. That’s like putting a shit writer and artist on Batman and still expecting me to buy it. Yes, I am saying that Kaine = Tony Daniel. That’s how much I despise that character. I’ll even go so far to say that if Tony Daniel ever drew a Kaine comic that the entire world would be destroyed by the complete and utter sucktitude of said comic.
Anywho, what is everyone buying this week?
Batman Confidential #35
Batman Streets of Gotham #5
Batman the Unseen #2
Blackest Night Superman #3
Brave and the Bold #28
DCU Halloween 2009
Final Crisis Aftermath Dance #6
Justice League of America #38
Power Girl #6
Superman Batman #65
Ex Machina #46
World of Warcraft #24
Amazing Spider-Man #609
Dark Avengers #10
Dark Reign List Avengers (2nd Print)
Dark Reign List Hulk
Dark Wolverine #79
Deadpool Merc with a Mouth #4
Deadpool Poster Book
Dominic Fortune #3
Incredible Hulk #603
Invincible Iron Man #19
Mighty Avengers #30
Punisher Noir #3
Skrull Kill Krew #5
The Stand: Soul Survivors #1
Thor Tales of Asgard By Stan Lee and Jack Kirby #6
Wolverine Origins #41
X-Men Legacy #228
Angel Vs Frankenstein
Beasts of Burden #2
Beautiful Creatures #2
Citizen Rex #4
Comic Diorama One Shot
Escape from Wonderland #2
Farscape Gone and Back #4
Female Force Oprah Winfrey
GI Joe #10
GI Joe Movie Snake Eyes #1
Grimm Fairy Tales #42
Last Resort #3
Lone Ranger and Tonto #3
Mice Templar Destiny #4
Political Power #3 Joe Biden
Puppy Power Bo Obama
Resurrection 2 #4
Salems Daughter #2
Star Trek Nero #3
Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic #46
Sugarshock One Shot
Swordsmith Assassin #3
Talisman Road of Trials #0
Transformers Tales of the Fallen #3
Captain America Road to Reborn HC
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Vol 4
Final Crisis Legion of Three Worlds HC
Garth Ennis Battlefields Vol 1 HC
Gears of War Book 1 HC
Jonah Hex Lead Poisoning
Lockjaw & the Pet Avengers HC
Marvel Adventures Avengers Vol 10 Digest
Marvel Masterworks Inhumans Vol 1 HC
Nexus Space Opera
Noir Vol 1
Question Vol 5 Riddles
Runaways Rock Zombies
Runaways Vol 9 Dead Wrong Digest
Savage Tales of Red Sonja
Scalped Vol 5 High Lonesome
Showcase Presents House of Secrets Vol 2
Spider-Man Death & Dating
Star Trek Missions End
Superman Adventures of Nightwing & Flamebird
Terry Moore’s Echo Vol 3 Desert Run
Thunderbolts Burning Down the House
Uncle Sam Deluxe HC
War Machine Vol 1 Iron Heart
Wolfskin Vol 1
Wolverine Dark Wolverine Vol 1 Prince HC
Wolverine Noir HC
Hey folks, Elliott here…
According to BleedingCool.com Rich Johnston has started a mighty nasty rumor about the identity of Norman Osborne’s ‘secret weapon’ from ‘Dark Reign: The Cabal.’ A rumor, that if it’s true, will not only create a great cry of anguish among fanboys, but will also create one of the greatest redundancies in the Marvel Universe. Who is it rumored to be? Well, this is how Rich put it:
“So who is the super secret weapon that Norman Osborn is using to ensure his Cabal keep together, during the Marvel Dark Reign crossover event? The shadowy figure that everyone from Doctor Doom to Loki is intimidated by?
This weekend at the Big Apple Comic Con I saw evidence that pointed in one very specific direction indeed.
Evidence that indicates it’s not Mephisto as much rumoured. But that’s the correct initial letter. Twice.
Could it be… could it really be… the big MM?”
And here’s the kicker…
All indications are the BRIAN BENDIS WOULD WRITE MARVELMAN’S ENTRY INTO THE MARVEL U!
Now, I really don’t get this move at all. First, shoehorning Marvelman into the Marvel U, after the WONDROUS run that Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman have given us means you’re pretty much discarding everything they’ve done. Second, why would the Cabal give two shits about Mickey Moran when they’ve been able to deal with The Sentry without batting so much as an eye?
Adding Marvelman to the mix is just plain redundant…and frankly…stupid.
What do YOU folks think?