The (I Didn’t Really Care Enough to Actually Review It So I Just Pretty Much Poke Fun at the Writing) Hulk #13 Review

Posted: August 6, 2009 in CCW Review
Tags: , , ,

Terrible

Title : Hulk #13
Writer: Jeph Loeb
Art: Ed McGuinness and Tom Palmer
Publisher: Marvel
Price: $3.99 (Cheap!)

After ruining what should have been a milestone event with Incredible Hulk #600 Jeph Loeb brings us yet again another sorry excuse for a comic. Is he really getting paid for this shit? While nothing at all interesting ever happens in his comics, at least Bendis actually has a lot of terrible dialogue to try to hide that fact. In a Jeph Loeb “comic” all we get is sparse (also terrible) dialogue with at least five or six pages taken up by splash/double splash pages and the most pathetic excuse for a a story I have read since Chuck Austen. I apologize. I should not have disrespected Mr. Austen by comparing his writing to that of Mr. Loeb. Loeb really is in a class of his own. This is where the term “horse shit” comes to mind.

Here are some samples of Rick Jones a.k.a. A-Bomb (Fucking Hell what a god awful name) written by top industry writer Jeph Loeb:

“I guess now we know what’d happen if an armadillo and a chameleon had a baby. A real FUGLY baby who’s strong as all get out!”

Or how about this choice line:

While punching Ares in the face, “Maybe not so much, SUCKHA.”

But this one is my favorite:

To Ares, “Think you’re a tough guy–pushing around guys who can’t defend themselves, huh? You’re more like the God of WHATEVER.”

Jeezus! What the fuck does that even mean?! Seriously. I can’t believe people think this is good writing. Is it entertaining? Yes, but sure as hell not the way it was intended. It’s entertaining in the same way All Star Batman and Robin, Battlefield: Earth and Manos: The Hands of Fate are entertaining. It’s the saddest and funniest form of entertainment out there in comics.

To even explain the “story” of this issue will so completely under whelm you it is not even worth mentioning here. The issue is so unnecessary I truly believe that Marvel will never refer to anything that happened here ever again (pretty much like every other issue of Rulk). This comic will insult the intelligence of anyone over the age of 6. It took all of 3 minutes to read this issue and am quite certain that it took even less time to write it. If you think that this is a book worth the $3.99 you paid for it (unless it was solely for the Ed McGuinness art) then fuck you. You are a huge part of what is wrong with the comic industry.

Don’t even get me started on this wholly unoriginal Red She-Hulk and World War Hulks bullshit. That is a topic for another post. One that I look forward to “writing” at some point.

J.

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Comments
  1. Saar says:

    Why you doing that to yourself?!

  2. Iqy92 says:

    Seriously what has happened to this guy. How this be written by the same guy who wrote batman long haloween( I consider one of the best comics I read and give people to get into comics) can anyone tell when did he get so crappy? Was it when he joined marvel?

  3. PILKK90 says:

    lets all do some jeph loeb dialogue, ill start
    ” Im more than just A-Bomb im DA-BOMB SUCKA!”

  4. Chris says:

    “all the sudden after “Spider-Man” [the movie], comic book writers were sexy. We didn’t live in the basement of our mother’s house anymore. We were the best writers in town, and the reason why we were was because we understood a medium that was incredibly successful. We understood how to tell stories about heroes and villains that weren’t pop. They were things that reminded us of the comics we had read and we knew. We stayed true to the medium.”
    http://www.quotesoncomics.com/?cat=298

  5. comicbookdude89 says:

    I think Loeb is trying to approach this book to atract little kids because I’m reading the lines in the comic you posted and I’m thinking this is something a little kid would say or enjoy hearing. When I was looking through the newest issue of Marvel Previews and I saw Red She-Hulk and was like WTF?!?

  6. Locusmortis says:

    if I was a kid I’d be insulted by that “writing”, when I was a kid we had stories like “Charleys War” written by people who gave a fuck about the story and their audience.

  7. Mitiators says:

    Holey balls. Initially when the Rulk first started after World War Hulk I thought I was in on the joke. I was defending the book from naysayers, admiring the silliness of a giant gold gun and the pummeling of the Watcher. Ed McGuiness’ cartoon art style only lent more credibility to the joke. It’s a goof guys, its all intentional camp. I was so wrong. This is complete garbage. Every line of dialogue is like a fart coming out of the characters’ mouths. What’s even more insulting is that this is essentially the only Hulk (Banner Hulk) comic on the market. What the hell? Give us one serious one and one silly one and let us choose. We will not choose your fart parade Mr. Loeb. Watch having said that, the other Hulk incarnation will be a Tony Daniel penned crapfest.

  8. kurumais says:

    i still can’t believe they did that to rick jones … it’s like some form of abuse

    the marvel adventures line has some really good and fun stuff for kids

  9. X-Man75 says:

    Ha! Reading your review made me happy I stopped reading the Hulk books after World War Hulk. And here I thought Bendis was bad! Jeez, going to Hollywood sure seems to have drained Loeb of whatever talent he once had.

  10. Joseph says:

    wow..$3.99?? so true Jose..I completely agree with you..whoever buys this book is certainly what’s wrong with the comic industry..How the hell is this the same guy who wrote the long halloween? a question I’ll never know the answer to..oh, and on a sidenote, thanks for the recommendation of the manga Gyo I’m reading it now and it’s awesome!

  11. TheComicRant says:

    I think Jeph Loeb is a skrull. There has to be a few left, right? They couldn’t of been hiding everywere on Earth and then just be stopped. 😛

    There is no way that this is the same guy who did Superman for All Seasons or The Long Halloween. Ultimates 3 alone should’ve him laughed out of Marvel Comics.

  12. kurumais says:

    is it possible to watch manos without tom servo and crow ?

    i know a couple of guys that buy rulk the thing is they HATED it when i first came out now they are like” ah its kind of funny” different strokes

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