Capsule Reviews: Get Used to Disappointment from Marvel

Posted: September 2, 2009 in Capsule Reviews, CCW Review
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Yummy

Many Shades of Poop

Title: Ultimate Comics Spider-Man #2
Writer. Brian Bendis
Art: David Lafuente

As many of you know by now I am not a fan of Bendis‘ current crap crop of comics. Like, at all. But I was a fan of the first issue of this series because it stayed clear of what I find irritating about most Bendis comics. I thought to myself “Wow, maybe I CAN enjoy a Bendis book again.” Well, that frame of mind didn’t last very long at all. Quite disappointing.

How can there be so much dialogue in a comic while at the same time nothing happens? Well this is how: Bendis, yet again, is relying on his ”witty” dialogue to do most of the heavy lifting in this issue and it completely kills it. Whether it’s Aunt May and Peter having a Tarantino-lite conversation about Johnny Storm crashing at their place, Mysterio giving a long winded “we get the point already” monologue (to who? the internet?) or Gwen Stacey and Peter yammering on during lunch. Here’s a part of Peter’s and Gwen’s conversation:

Pete: Well, there just too many kids in the school now.

Gwen: And I don’t like people.

Pete: Aunt May said they almost doubled the amount of kids going to our school since the attack.

Gwen: And I don’t like people.

Pete: Which means the grade curve is all out of whack. My GPA is –ugh!! I can’t even think about it.

Gwen: And I don’t like people.

Bendis must get paid by the fucking word. Do you see the problem I have with this? Bendis uses this little trick quite a lot. You know, the one where one person in the conversation just repeats the same line over and over. You know, the one where one person in the conversation just repeats the same line over and over. You know, the one where one person in the conversation just repeats the same line over and over. Kind of annoying right?

What else happens in this issue? Peter has a bad dream, Kitty Pryde gets detention, Kitty gets all up in Mary Jane’s face (oh, the drama), Peter and Gwen talk some more at lunch …..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….oh, wtf? Sorry. I bored myself to sleep while writing about this boring fucking comic. But wait! Here’s some action! Cool, what villain is Spidey going to fight? Oh…it’s a…um…villainous mother and daughter team named The Bombshells…who are robbing a jewelry store…annnnnd the duo’s powers only work when they are in proximity to each other. Also, the daughter likes to fucking swear a lot. I mean, a fucking lot. Mark Millar must have gotten a boner reading this issue. Is your mind blown by all of that originality? I know mine is not.

The issue ends on a cliffhanger that needs to be seen to be believed. Let me try to explain it to you. Johnny Storm Is sleeping on a couch in Aunt May’s living room. Johnny Storm then wakes up and Aunt May asks him, “What happened to you?” And the last big panel on the page has Johnny Storm rubbing his temple (because I think he has a headache) and “To Be Continued…”

Are you fucking kidding me? What a fucking letdown this issue was. The Lafuente art didn’t seem nearly as awesome as the last issue either. I hope that this book rights itself with the next issue because if USM is to become yet another tired Bendis comic I won’t be reading it again. Ok, maybe I will just to make fun of it.

I Have Sand in My Crack

Title: Invincible Iron Man #17
Writer: Matt Fraction
Art: Salvador Larroca

Well folks it happened. I read an issue of Invincible Iron Man and upon it’s completion I did not squeal with enjoyment. It was inevitable that after 16 straight issues of awesomeness that I would feel disappointment at some point, right?

First off, I need to let you guys know that even though I feel this way this issue is still above and beyond anything Tweedledee and Tweedledum (aka Loeb and Bendis) are writing. My main problem comes in the form of it just being a set up issue. I mean, stuff happens but not really. We don’t get to see the promised clash between Madame Masque and Pepper Potts, though I think this may be because Fraction is setting up some sort of twist for the next issue. The fight between the two may be shown at some point as a flashback sequence. One other thing that kinda irked me about this issue was that Osborn gets his way yet again and shows up in Russia after being told off by Crimson Dynamo a few issues ago.

Tony Stark gets shot down in Afghanistan while Maria Hill and Black Widow are captured by HAMMER with Captain America watching from the shadows. The issue ends with Madame Masque explaining (not wholly) to Osborn that she killed Potts and as a result Tony Stark got away. We then see Pepper’s Rescue armor being stored in the place where Osborn keeps all of Iron Patriot suits.

This book did move the story a bit forward but just was not satisfying enough as the last 16 which preceded it. On the bright side, the next issue ships in two weeks so I won’t have long to wait to see if I am right about what’s coming next.

I am quite sure Elliott and I will go into more details on next week’s segments of CCW TV.

Tis The End

Title: Exiles #6
Writer: Jeff Parker
Art: Salva Espin

No, that isn’t the actual cover for this issue. It was the original cover that was solicited though.

The Good: A double sized issue of Jeff Parker and Salva Espin goodness without any damn filler material.

The Bad: It’s the last damn issue since this book got canceled on the account that fanboys are a bunch of dickholes who have no idea what a good thing looks like when they see it. So, ya, disappointing

J.

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Comments
  1. Ziplockbloody says:

    Yeah I figured that new spiderman was going to be lame.

  2. MicahSkin says:

    Oh well… Least there’s next week to look forward to.

    So when’s that William the Warrior limited series from Thor coming out again?

    • That’s the great things about comics. There will always be a next week. Except there will actually be a week in December where NO COMICS ship. We talk about it in out Last Rants segment, on our video channel, which will go up in a couple of days.

      J.

  3. mbell028 says:

    Jose what did you think of Batman 690 to be honest I think its the best issue of Winicks run so far

  4. comicbookdude89 says:

    Good so i’m not the only one who was let down by USM#2…. but really Jose??? Invincible Iron Man#17 disappointed you???? I thought it was great. Agents of Atlas was probably the best Marvel book I read this week.

  5. Pobra says:

    man, I couldn’t agree more about USM#2. What a let down. We are officially back in Bendis town, where nothing EVER happens! LaFuente’s art, I’m beginning to notice is a little inconsistent, it never took me out of the story, but he needs to tighten up his game. And yes, Spidey’s head is fucking massive, I didn’t want to admit it with the first issue because i really wanted to be able to get behind this book, but this issue was a real disappointment. I did kinda dig the new Mysterio though.

  6. Markus says:

    I enjoyed UCS #1 and quite frankly, I’m not too enthusiastic as I think I would be with regards to picking up issue #3. Yes, I did write a favorable review for #1 but I dont think I can do that for this second one.

  7. Dan Griffin says:

    I have to respectfully Disagree with you Jose on UCSM#2. I found the issue to be very fun.

  8. camnick says:

    i really really enjoyed exiles…r.i.p.

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