Is Being on Hiatus the Best Thing to Happen to Agents of Atlas?

It appears that the answer is yes. The Agents of Atlas will be appearing in no less than four books this January. The best part? Each of those stories will be written by Jeff Parker. The worst part? Looks like I’ll be spending more money on comics in January.

Now, if these were AoA stories that were not written by Jeff Parker I would probably have to think twice about picking them up. Since that is not the case I will be supporting Jeff Parker and Agents of Atlas in any way I can to help insure that an AoA monthly returns. Though, if there just so happens to be any unwanted reprint bullshit in any of these books I will be the first one to bitch about it just to be fair. Here are the solicitations:

AVENGERS VS. ATLAS #1 (of 4)
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by GABRIEL HARDMAN
Spacetime is being selectively eroded by an unknown force. To stop the effect, the Agents of Atlas seek the help of the Avengers- and find a much earlier version of the team than they expected: Captain America, Iron Man, Wasp, Giant-Man and Thor are together again, with the atomic wildcard THE HULK!
40 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

INCREDIBLE HERCULES #140
Written by GREG PAK, FRED VAN LENTE & JEFF PARKER
Penciled by RODNEY BUCHEMI & GABRIEL HARDMAN
“ASSAULT ON NEW OLYMPUS,” Part 3 (of 4)
Of all the giants, gods and monsters Hercules and his team of New and Mighty Avengers have faced in their battle through New Olympus, none may be as formidable as HEPHAESTUS, creator of the immortals’ fearsome war engines! With what fearsome device will he try to ensnare and destroy the Hercules/Amadeus Cho team, which has reformed at last — only to meet their doom? Find out as the New York Times Best-Selling creative team lead Herc on his biggest adventure yet! Plus: as the Agents of Atlas push into the stronghold of the Olympus group, Aphrodite decides to take matters into her own hands in Godmarked Part 3!
40 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

MARVEL BOY: THE URANIAN #1 (of 3)
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by FELIX RUIZ
A young man has travelled billions of miles through space in a rocket to help our world. But is Earth of the 1950’s ready for a new super hero? Before he became the dark figure the Agents of Atlas call The Uranian, Bob Grayson raced through the skies as Marvel Boy! From the critically acclaimed writer of AGENTS OF ATLAS and FALL OF THE HULKS: ALPHA comes this all-new look back at one of Marvel’s first heroes!
48 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

THUNDERBOLTS #140
Written by JEFF PARKER
Penciled by MIGUEL SEPULVEDA
Thunderbolts vs. Agents of Atlas—round 2! The hunt down in the swamp comes to a head when one of the T-Bolts ends up dead! There’s not going to be much time to cope either, because Norman Osborn needs his team of killers ready for a final mission—and this is what he’s been saving them for!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$2.99

Ya, I know I have been highlighting a bunch of Marvel solicitations this week. I’ll try to find some DC and independents to help balance it all out. If you have never been to Jeff Parker‘s blog and would like to go check it out I’ll post a link below.

J.

Parkerspace/Jeff Parker’s Blog

Man, and I thought working with Jose was tough!

Here’s a clip from Master of Inventions, a new comedy by Chicago film-maker Joe Avella:

I swear Avella is Jose’s cousin or something.

Sci Fi Friday

CCW Question of the Week

Hey folks, Elliott here. Jose asked if I’d like to take a shot at the ‘Question of the Week’ and after hemming and hawing a bit (Jose is pretty good at coming up with great questions) I decided, ‘yeah sure.’ So here’s an easy one:

What/who are you going to be dressing up as for Halloween this year?  And if you have a costume, is it store bought or did you make it yourself?

Bonus points if you include a link to a photo of yourself in your costume!

Holy Fucking Shit! Captain America: Reborn #6 (of 5)!?!

And I thought fanboys were all getting screwed over by Marvel when they decided to release the Who Will Wield the Shield one-shot after the END of the Captain America: Reborn miniseries. I guess the five issue miniseries didn’t actually end at #5. Silly me.

CAPTAIN AMERICA REBORN #6 (of 6)
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Pencils & Wraparound Cover by BRYAN HITCH
Cover by JOHN CASSADAY
Variant Cover by JOE QUESADA
The story so big we needed another issue to finish it! The return of Captain America! The fight for the body and soul and mind of Steve Rogers! Avengers versus the Red Skull and his cronies! The biggest finale of the year is finally here! Brought to you by Ed Brubaker, Bryan Hitch and Butch Guice!
32 PGS./Rated T+ …$3.99

So, how do you feel about initially being committed to buy a five issue miniseries that now necessitates you to ALSO buy a one-shot AND a sixth issue to get the full story? Get the lube ready fanboys. This assfuck from Marvel is gonna be extra deep.

J.

Thanks to CCW reader djsweet for bringing this to my attention.

The (And the Bendis Shit Train Keeps on Chug-Chugging Along) Dark Avengers #10 Review

Title: Dark Avengers #10
Writer: Brian Bendis
Art: Mike Deodato
Publisher: Marvel
Price: $3.99
Pages: 32

I’m going to be completely honest with you. I have been sitting here staring at a blank screen on my laptop for the last twenty minutes trying to think of a way to tackle this review. Scratch that. I should say that I am trying to think of a somewhat CLEVER way to tackle this review but I can’t think of one. Though, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a book so god damn boring and uncreative could in any way inspire a creative review. It’s like this comic is just a black hole sucking out all of the creativity and imagination from my mind. And with no creativity or imagination around to write a clever review all I am left with is my fucking anger. My fucking anger for, yet again, having to read another pointless Bendis comic. My anger for, yet again, having to read his “cool and witty” dialogue. My anger for, yet again, him insulting women. I should point out in his defense that he didn’t have a character randomly call Ms. Marvel a whore in this issue but instead Bendis actually MADE Ms. Marvel a whore in this issue. He sure puts the ‘ass’ in ‘class’ doesn’t he? But we’ll get back to that point in a minute.

Issue #10 begins with very quick 5 page story of two college women driving through a town called Dinosaur located in the state of Colorado. One of the women, who is the daughter of the U.S. Secretary of State, is being taken on a road trip by her BFF to get away for a while from her cheating boyfriend. While stopping at a diner for a pee (women, huh? you can’t take them anywhere without them having them go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. Am I right guys?) something unspeakable happens to the two college students off panel and they go missing. Moral of the Bendis Story? Girls, stay in your abusive relationships with your cheating boyfriends and under no circumstances should you ever leave them or something quite terrible will happen to you. That’s what I took away from this cautionary tale anyway.

After that little prologue we are greeted by a splash page of Ares cutting the Man-Thing in two with his battle ax. Why? Because Man-Thing was apparently on Norman Osborn’s Shit List…or something like that. But as we all know Man-Thing can’t really totally be cut in half because he can regenerate and stuff so this little bit really makes no sense but that has never stopped Bendis before. After the bisection of Man-Thing, Bullsye and Ares have some cute little dialogue between themselves…but what’s this? One of the Dark Avengers feels kinda bad for the Man-Thing and that Dark Avenger in none other than Venom. It turns out that the medication dose that Victoria Hand has been giving Gargan is a little off which is now making Venom…a little off. And yes, this fucking “Venom acting like a pussy because of his meds” joke goes throughout the ENTIRE fucking issue. Bendis is all about subtlety don’t ya know. At least he didn’t have Venom eat someone, yet again, in this issue.

The next scene takes place in Avengers Tower during the following morning where we find the Dark Avengers…eating breakfast, YET AGAIN, and drinking coffee, YET AGAIN. What the fuck, man? I swear to fucking god that that is all the New Avengers and Dark Avengers do in their comics. They sit around their kitchen table eating breakfast/chinese food and drinking coffee. Drink coffee and eat and eat and drink coffee. That is some high concept superhero shit right there me friends. Jeeeeezus. Ok, back to the DA eating breakfast and some awesome Bendis dialogue:

Ms. Marvel (asking Victoria Hand): Where is Osborn?

Bullseye: Why? Is he next on your to-do list?

Ms. Marvel: No. You are.

Bullseye: You couldn’t even come close to handling it.

Ms. Marvel: Try me.

Aaaand then the two make “fuck me” eyes at each other for another couple of panels. Here’s some more classic Bendis:

Bendis Baby Wolverine: Where is Osborn?

Victoria Hand: He’s got a lot on his plate. Not just you guys.

Bendis Baby Wolverine: You don’t know.

Ares: Leave it be.

Bendis Baby Wolverine: No. I can smell a lie. Especially on A WOMAN. They reek when they lie. And she’s lying.

So, what, do guys small like fresh picked roses when they lie? Why in Fuck City am I reading this in an “Avengers” comic? And why do editor’s think that it’s ok to print this shit in a Marvel comic? I’m glad though to see Bendis had some more insults left in his Bag O’ Misogyny. I was kinda getting worried there for a while that he had finally come to his senses.

I had some other observations about this comic I was going to make but let’s just jump right to the biggest problem I had with it. A few pages after talking about banging each other we see Bullseye and Ms. Marvel having another conversation which leads to Ms. Marvel taking off her top and “seductively(?)” inviting Bullseye into her room. In the last panel of the page we see a huge shit eating grin on Bulleye’s face. I can not relay to you in words alone how completely classless this page is. And when I see Bullseye’s bald headed face all I can think of is Brian Bendis finding it awesome that he is finally getting to write Ms. Marvel as the whore that he thinks she is. Now, before you get all in my face about this bullshit, I am quite certain that she is playing Bullseye in some way that will benefit Marvel Boy…but still, a better writer would have thought of a more imaginative way about doing it without making a Marvel character into a whore. I guess that’s just Bendis writing what he knows, huh?

I think that’s where I am going to end this review. There is some other shit that happens with The Sentry and a cliff hanger ending that Bendis completely pulls out of his ass. And that’s about it. The cliffhanger, I think, is supposed to make the reader sympathize with Osborn and the Dark Avengers because of the situation they are put in but I could really care less about them so it doesn’t really work. Now, if they all die in the next issue I would definitely care about that because it will have meant that Marvel finally did something right.

J.

Looks Like I’ll Be Picking Up Amazing Spidey in January

In this week’s ‘Who’s Getting What’ post I proclaimed that I would not be picking up Amazing Spider-Man until Dan Slott comes back. Well, he’s coming back to write the book in January and it looks like this will be well worth the wait for me. Slott is bringing my favorite post-OMD Spidey artist Marcos Martin and my favorite Spidey villain Mysterio with him for the ride. I really can’t put into words how fucking excited I am for this little run. The above cover for issue #619 is so damn striking. That ‘Amazing’ logo reminds me of the days when this used to be my must have comic every month.

J.

Here are the solicitations and the cover to issue #618 as well:

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #618
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by MARCOS MARTIN
Variant Cover by JOE QUINONES
MYSTERIOUS: Chapter One
“Un-Murder Incorporated”
MYSTERIO is back from the dead…and he’s not alone!
When deceased members of the Maggia crime family return from beyond the grave, the balance of power shifts in their gang war with Hammerhead and the Inner-Demons. Can Spider-Man and crime scene investigator, Carlie Cooper, solve this mystery…before it gets a little too personal?
PLUS: Secret sides of both Mr. Negative and J. Jonah Jameson Sr. revealed, a disturbing turn for Aunt May, the reappearance of ANOTHER Spider-Villain — all this and the return of Dan Slott & Marcos Martin to the pages of Amazing Spider-Man.
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #619
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by MARCOS MARTIN
MYSTERIOUS: Chapter Two
“Re-Appearing Act”
SPIDER-MAN versus MYSTERIO!
How long can Mysterio play with Spidey’s head before the web-slinger finally snaps?! The mind games keep ratcheting up as the body count goes up, down, and…into the negatives? Some bad guys just won’t die and others can’t stay dead! So which long-thought deceased Spider-Man character is back now?! It may only be January, but get ready for the most unbelievable Spider-Man moment of the year!
32 PGS./Rated A …$2.99