Posts Tagged ‘Dark Avengers’

This is the first of what will hopefully be a weekly column about my thoughts on the week in comics and related stuff. It will be made up of mini op-ed pieces (don’t worry I will still be doing in depth op-ed pieces every so often), plus some mini-reviews of comics read during the week, some blog recommendations, maybe a book review here and there too.

*RANTS!

1. Last week the Kirby family filed suit against Marvel for termination of copyrights and compensation for lack of credit in films for characters co-created by Jack Kirby. I did an op-ed piece on this a couple of months ago, you can read it here. My views since then haven’t changed one iota, Jack Kirby was Marvel comics dynamo and it’s time that his pride and joy, his family, get the rewards that he was due but never received.

My admiration for the King is not secret so I will unashamedly cheer on the Kirby family to their victory. So what will it mean for the characters in question? Well, Marvel will have to stop publishing the current versions and the family will be able to sell them to DC…..Actually the only people who think that might happen are retarded fanboys who have no clue about copyright law. What will happen is that Marvel will give a big settlement to the Kirby’s and pay royalties for future use.

Hopefully that will open the door for other writers/artists or their families to get their dues also, lets not forget other creators like Bill Everett, Don Heck, Steve Ditko and the rest.

2. Remember my other Op-ed piece about Captain America: Reborn? Well in case anyone thought there was no substance about my accusations against Hitch, just take a look at his art agent’s page. Big splash pages are going for $2000+ whereas “crappy” story pages only go for about $250, a pretty big incentive for him to throw the writer under the bus, eh?

3. Palmiotti and Gray aren’t writing Power Girl anymore and they replace them with Judd Winick??? Sorry but I fucking hate that guy’s writing, expect this book to turn into a train wreck. They should have given the book to Keith Giffen, then it might have continued to be Bwa-ha-ha funny, bad choice DC!

4. Dark Avengers #15, oh you better believe I fucking hate this book with a vengeance. I agree with Jose’s Op-ed piece 1000%, I’ll be doing an Op-ed piece of my own on related matters in the upcoming future but something did strike me when I was reading about the descriptions of Ultimate Comics Avengers #5 and Justice League: Cry for Justice #7…it’s a quote from the description of part of the Battle for Warsaw in 1944 between the SS and the polish resistance (I’m a bit of a history buff btw) which went as follows : “Favoured tactics during the siege reportedly included playing “bayonet catch” with live babies, and torturing captives to death by hacking off their arms, dousing them with gasoline, and setting them alight to run armless and flaming down the streets of Warsaw.” I guess now we get to read about this stuff happening to our favourite heroes now, what’s the world coming to?

5. Goddamn Kick-Ass trailers are on the tv here all the fucking time, there are even posters up on billboards for it, there is no way in hell that I will be going to see that piece of shit and if you have any taste at all you won’t be giving money to that ginger hack Millar.

6. IDW have been promoted by Diamond Comic Distributors to be one of their Premier Publishers which means that they will be out of the back section of Previews magazine and moved up to the front with Dark Horse, DC and Image (Marvel have their own separate Previews comic-sized magazine). They will have much more room to display their products, instead of being squeezed into the current 12 or so pages they will have up to 40 pages to display their wares and be able to promote their comics much better.

I recently previewed one of their comics, Mystery Society, and they normally have a knack of producing interesting comics along with their normal licensed stuff like GI Joe and Transformers. How long till Boom Studios make the transition to Premier Publisher status?

BTW anyone ever notice how much Robert Kirkman looks like Hacksaw Jim Duggan?

*COMIC MINI-REVIEWS

These are some reviews on comics I’ve read so far this week. I get my comics via mail order in one or two packages a month so these won’t be “new” comics per se but they are recent. I’ll be trying to mention ones that Jose, Elliot and Ironmuskrat don’t get around to doing full reviews on.

Justice Society of America #34 and #35
If you want a comic that tells good superhero stories without babies being thrown out of windows or rapes then this should be a comic for you. Swipes at Millar and Bendis aside, I really enjoyed these comics. The newly split JSA fought against Mordru, he sent them all into pocket dimensions where they faced their greatest fears then teamed back up to kick ass. This served to reintroduce the characters and bind them together, I think these issues would be a great jumping on point for new readers. The only minor niggle would be with fill in artist Travis Moore who can be a little weak with getting faces right but otherwise did a good job while Jesus Merino catches up.

Fantastic Four #576
This is the second issue of the Prime Elements arc and this story is just sumptuous. From Dale Eaglesham’s art which is reminiscent of Big John Buscema’s classic art to Paul Mounts gorgeous colours, this is just a feast for the eyes. As for Jonathan Hickman’s writing, well only half a dozen issues in and its already got the makings of a classic run up there with John Byrnes mid-80’s stuff, Walt Simonson’s underrated early 90’s run and Waid and Ringo’s epic run of the early noughties (nothing will ever beat Lee/Kirby of course). This episode the team goes under the Antarctic Ice cap to meet an unknown aquatic civilization, Hickman just throwing new ideas out on every few pages.

Outsiders #26 and #27
From the sublime to the ridiculous, Dan Didio takes over from Pete Tomasi and makes a complete dogs dinner of this comic. I really enjoyed Tomasi’s take on the team, which actually made sense but Didio has thrown out all the set up from that run and shipped the team off to Markovia where Brion has made peace with the Kryptonians who send the freakin Eradicator to be their peace envoy….can’t see any trouble with that can you?

I’m not criticising this book because I hate Dan Didio, I actually think he’s done a good job with DC editorial in the last year but unfortunately he’s just a terrible writer, these are only worth getting to laugh at how out of character everyone is and how ham fistedly every situation is handled, case in point being the cringe worthy advances of Owl Man towards Katana. Its not offensive in the same way as a Bendis or Millar comic is, just really poorly written and drawn.

Milestone Forever #1
This I guess is the formal reintroduction of the Milestone characters after the JLA arc of just over a year ago. The first thing that strikes me is the hideous cover on this, apparently DC editorial changed the cover and put this purple wash over the art, there’s no way that I would pick this off the shelf if I didn’t know what it was first, it looks so horrible. The first 8 pages of art by Jean Paul Leon though were very enjoyable, they reminded me of the Kirbyesque art of Shaky Kane.

The rest of the (expensive prestige format) issue was by MD Bright and Romeo Tanghal and sorry to say it but the art was so nineties that it hurt. And so to be honest so was the writing, considering they had 48 pages to work with I couldn’t tell you much more about the characters now than before I read it and that wasn’t much to start with.

Tails of the Pet Avengers #1
This is an anthology of Pet Avengers stories leading up to next months second Pet Avengers mini-series. Each of the pets gets a 5/6 page story which adds up to 30 pages of story/art for $3.99, not a bad deal. The stories range from the cute (Lockjaw) to the poignant (Lockheed) but as always Ms Lion and Frog Thor stole the show, Ms Lion doing some detective work on a cruise ship and the great Frog Thor leading his frogs in a fight against some alligators who were trying to invade their pond in Central Park. Nice writing and art by Chris Eliopoulous, Colleen Coover, Ig Guara, Gurihiro and more, this is truly a comic for all ages and a great break from all the angst-ridden ultra violence that seems to be popular amongst the fanboys now.

*BACK ISSUE BIN

DC Holiday Special ‘09
This came out back in November/December of last year, 80 pages for $5.99 with a Christmas/holiday theme. I don’t think this sold huge numbers, certainly not in the direct market anyway, which is a pity because its actually really good, it will probably be dirt cheap as a back issue.

Its worth tracking this down in the back issue bins of your LCS or Cons for the Sgt Rock story by Billy Tucci alone. Added to that are great short stories of Enemy Ace, Red Tornado, Flash, Batman and Martian Manhunter plus there’s an Angel and the Ape story so you can’t say no to that!

*BLOG RECOMMENDATIONS

Perhaps like me you visit blogs other than the CCW one (I know, it’s a shock isn’t it?) Perhaps you too have idle time to fill at work, I know I do! So every column I’d like to recommend one or two I like, if you’ve got favourites then by all means let us know!

Grantbrigde Street and Other Adventures
http://grantbridgestreet.blogspot.com/
I just love this blog, its got loads of stuff I’m interested in from the 60’s to the 90’s, obscure comic strips from the greats like Romita, Kirby, Toth, Charest, Ditko, Buscema, art gallery’s of favourite characters like Doctor Doom, Catwoman, Superman etc. Its got Superhero’s, bizarre sci-fi, horror comics, freaked out shit and lost comic strips like the great Brendan McCarthy’s Sooner or Later, a beautiful Daniel Torres’ story , some great Phillip Druillet art and what about this amazing crazy piece by The King!

Pats Fantasy Hotlist
http://fantasyhotlist.blogspot.com/
This is another blog that I go to practically everyday as in addition to comics I’ve loved reading fantasy and sci-fi books for years and have really gotten back into reading novels in the last couple of years (Amazon is just so dirt cheap lol). Pats Fantasy Hotlist is easily the most popular F&SF literary blog out there because its accessible, down to earth (you know what I mean), and pretty easy going, somewhat like the CCW except not quite as community led as the CCW.

The content is consistently solid with writer interviews, excerpts from newly released and upcoming books (important if you’re undecided on what to read next), new Cover art and contests where you can win free books. If you like to read then this blog is worth checking.

*TV

I’m not going to comment too much on TV as I’m way behind on what is being currently shown in America, I just can’t be bothered downloading tv stuff now. One series I’ve enjoyed for years though is Mad Men, the story of advertising executives in 1960’s Manhattan, the scripts are witty, the styling is spot on and they’ve got Christina Hendricks, hubba hubba! This is my favourite scene from the current series, Season 3.

Ok, that’s it for this week, I hope you enjoyed it, let me know your opinions. See you next week for more!

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Hey folks, Elliott here. With all the tension going around over the recent discussion of violence in comics, I thought I’d try to lighten the mood with an early edition of ‘Deemar’s Sunday Funnies’. I think this one pretty much sums up the mood of everyone’s favorite Angry Comic Shop Guy:

"And playing the role of Ares today will be Brian Bendis...JOSE?!?"

Here are some excerpts from the dialogue between Bullseye and Lindy Reynolds (Sentry’s wife) that take place before the above page in Dark Avengers #15. Words in bold are also in bold in the comic.

BE: I always wondered what he (The Sentry) sees in you?
LR: I’m sorry?
BE: Your husband. He’s almost a God…and you–you’re kind of, well, frumpy is the best word I can think of.
LR: What?
BE: I mean, he can have anybody. I mean, I can have anybody. And all I do is kill people. Imagine the ass he is missing out on because he’s married to you. And look at you. Do you even own a brush? Or a mirror?
LR: Get back.
BE: I mean, we all know your husband is nuts. But marrying you when he could be dating supermodels from numerous planets…now that is nuts.

Lindy slaps Bullseye in the face.

BE: Thank you.

Bullseye grabs Lindy by the throat.

LR: NOOOOOO!!!

And then you see the page above.

It wasn’t enough that Lindy was verbally and psychologically abused by the Void in issue #13 but now she gets verbally abused by Bullseye…right before he chokes the life from her. And Brian Bendis, being the great writer he is, wants you, the reader, to slowly and silently watch her die right in front of your fanboy eyes. In order to, what, feel her pain? To make you feel guilty? Huh…now that I think about it, ya, Marvel fanboys should feel guilty about this.

Is it that far fetched of an idea that Marvel fanboys did in fact kill Lindy Reynolds themselves or at the very least aided in her death? Is that why Bendis used that P.O.V. shot? That P.O.V. shot could also be seen as the writer putting himself in the shoes of the villain though, can’t it? Maybe to fulfill some sort of pathetic, self empowering fantasy? Do you think I have gone too far by making those observations? Well, Brian Michael Bendis has had a long track record for having obscene amounts of misogyny in his comics…and his fans love it. (Don’t know what I’m talking about? Click here for a refresher) And yet very few people call Bendis out on his disgusting treatment of female Marvel characters. And by not causing a stink and rewarding Bendis with high sale counts of his comics the fanboys are sending Marvel a message: Brian Michael Bendis can do no wrong. And so Bendis seems to be free from any editorial restraints so this kind of horseshit just continues to happen over and over and over again. It may have well HAD been the hands of the fanboys around Lindy’s throat.

So, why exactly did Lindy Reynolds die? Well, besides the fact that comics are just too damn boring? It was because Bob Reynolds (The Sentry) loved her…and that was it. Norman Osborn saw this as an obstacle he needed to overcome to fully be in control of the Sentry so Osborn had Bullseye kill her. Couple that with the fact that Lindy is not a superhero, is just an average woman in the Marvel universe and it makes her death that much more fucking…tragic, doesn’t it? To bad it really didn’t feel that way. Because Bendis has an affinity for killing or physically beating down his female characters (with the use of his male characters) this just feels like more his his sensationalistic bullshit.

Domestic violence is an all too real problem. At no point ever does Bendis show the repercussions of domestic violence, he just seems to revel in it while turning on the Marvel fanboys. It also seems to send the message to his (mostly) male fanbase that it is acceptable to behave in this manner especially when women are the ones who are constantly being assaulted by men. Isolated instances of violence toward men or women in comics is one thing but when a writer completely crosses the line time and time again (for what I think are personal reasons) it becomes a problem that this industry doesn’t need or should it tolerate.

J.

Riddle me this: When is a comic that is clearly labeled as a Siege tie-in not in fact a Siege tie-in? The answer is quite simple really: when that comic book is written by Brian Bendis and has the word “Avengers” in the title. Today I will be taking a look at two Siege “tie-in” books, namely Dark Avengers #13 and New Avengers #61, that really aren’t tie-ins while Ironmuskrat has the pleasure of reviewing Avengers vs. Agents of Atlas #1. That really doesn’t seem fair does it?

Title: Dark Avengers #13
By: Brian Bendis and Mike Deodato

One of the main things that drove me crazy about Secret Invasion was the fact that certain titles that were advertised as being tie-ins to the mini series really weren’t. Two examples: New Avengers and Mighty Avengers. Instead of these two titles being used to help along the slow, plodding, getting nowhere fast story of the Secret Invasion mini they were used to tell flashback stories. You would get no new information about what was going on in the current Secret Invasion mini and in some instances would have entire issues of New Avengers and Mighty Avengers which starred neither the New Avengers or the Mighty Avengers. Well, I guess that storytelling technique really worked out well enough that Marvel is using yet again with their Siege tie-ins but with two slight differences:

1. Instead of New Avengers and Mighty Avengers being used to tell flashback stories it is now New Avengers and Dark Avengers. It should be noted that all three of these books were/are written by Brian Bendis who was/is also writing Secret Invasion and The Siege.

2. These flashback stories (so far) actually do star a few members of the New/Dark Avengers but not all members of the teams. That is a slight step up from buying a Secret Invasion Mighty Avengers comic with none of the Mighty Avengers to be found within it’s pages.

***Spoilers Ahead***

There are really two flashback stories talking place in Dark Avengers #13. The first is a follow up to a scene that took place way back in Dark Avengers #3. Now the thing that kinda rubs me the wrong about this first flash back is that it is a continuation to a scene from a comic that came out ten months ago. Take a look at this page (click to enlarge):

This is a page from DA #13. The first four panels though are taken straight out of Dark Avengers #3 with a few of the dialogue balloons rewritten. The final two panels on this page with Norman Osborn are new. This was a scene readers weren’t supposed to see until now. Why? Because in the pages that follow it is revealed that The Sentry/The Void is actually Osborn’s “secret weapon”. You know, the mysterious secret weapon that had everyone guessing as to who it was in The Cabal one-shots. I can see where some people may think that the way the reveal was handled may have been a little clever but this is what I think: It is a cheap and lazy reveal not to mention that having the Void as Norman’s “secret weapon” is kinda lame. So, his secret weapon was someone who was on his team the entire time but yet it wasn’t because it’s the Void? I’m sorry but that is some weaksauce right there. This type of storytelling is straight out of Quentin Tarantino’s playbook and we all know how much Bendis loves to steal from pay homage to QT. The “going back to a previous point in the story to expand on a plot point” really only works in films and novels. You know why? Because the viewer/reader gets to see/read that reveal within a few hours. They don’t normally have to wait TEN MONTHS for the reveal after they have most likely forgotten about those scenes in which the content is presented in. But you did get a four panel, rewritten refresher so maybe I’m wrong on that point.

Another example of this weak reveal shit is the second flashback in this issue. It picks up right where Dark Avengers #9 left off with the Sentry’s wife shooting him in the face with an alien tech gun and killing him. When Dark Avengers #10 came out the Sentry was flying around like nothing happened to him. Nothing was explained. Some of you may remember me complaining about this exact same thing in our Dark Avengers reviews on CCW*TV.

It is this second flashback where some people may have felt ripped off in more ways than one. Here it is revealed that Sentry’s origin was all a ruse. You think that he was the happy go lucky guy who drank a secret formula in order to become a superhero to help people? Nope. It turns out that Robbie Reynolds was actually a meth addict looking to score his next fix and drank this secret formula because he thought it was some kind of drug. Sure who wouldn’t think that, right? In essence everything you have ever thought about the Sentry in Marvel current continuity has been a lie. Oh, did I mention that we found out that The Sentry/Void is a god? Yeah, that happened in this issue too. I’m sure Paul Jenkins had all of this in mind when he helped create the character.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that there were 3 pages devoted to the Void psychologically/verbally abusing Lindy (Sentry’s wife) in what could only be described as “Classic Bendis.” You know the Void is a really bad guy by the was he treats Lindy…because we didn’t already know this.

So, ya, nowhere in this issue is the Siege referenced but yet half of the cover has he Siege logo on it. I guess were all suckers for thinking that this issue would have anything to do with the Siege. Maybe this could be considered a tie-in when it is revealed in the Siege mini that the Sentry is in fact a god as he is kicking the Asgardians god-like asses…but that’s really kinda stretching it don’t you think?

J.

Title: Avengers vs. Agents of Atlas #1
By: Jeff Parker and Gabriel Hardman

I don’t know what kind of deal Jeff Parker had to make with the devil Marvel to keep the Agents of Atlas around after their series was put on hiatus, but I am not complaining. The fact Parker gets to write a mini-series with not only the Agents of Atlas but also the Avengers made me giggle like a school girl. One of the things that stood out in the Agents of Atlas first trade was how well Parker wrote the New Avengers as a team, writing witty banter between teammates and having them work together as a team. Jose and Elliott nailed it when they said Jeff Parker is writing the smartest team books in Marvel right now.

The first issue of this series starts with the Agents of Atlas and the New Avengers dealing with some time/space anomalies on opposite sides of the country. Villains from the Avengers past are popping up at random around the country causing mayhem. The anomaly itself appears as a creepy looking dark cloud of tormented faces, who may or may not be sentient. It doesn’t take long for the Agents of Atlas and the New Avengers to meet up in New york to defeat the Growing Man and start to piece together what is going on. Unfortunately, before they can formulate a plan of action the anomaly makes another appearance and attacks the Avengers, causing a rather dramatic change in the makeup of the team.

The issue moves along at a break neck pace. Parker doesn’t mess around, getting the ball rolling and having our two superhero teams hook up and figuring things out. There is a funny bit of dialog between the two teams that clears up the fact they were fighting each other the last time they met in the Agents of Atlas trade. I guess my only complaint about this issue is more of a pet peeve. I know Wolverine’s claws are really sharp, but they are only about a foot long, right? Every time I see Logan use his claws to chop up some super-sized bad guy I have to roll my eyes a little.

The art is pretty solid, Gabriel Hardman does a fine job drawing both teams. I really like the way Hardman draws the Growing Man in a very Jack Kirby like fashion. Takeshi Miyazawa does art in the backup feature. I liked the artwork, but it does have strong anime qualities to it and the character of Namora looks like she is about 15 in the story.

Oh yeah, the second feature story is Namora having it out with Japanese whalers. Its a nice little story that has a anti-whaling message to it. I couldn’t help but think about the South Park episode dealing with the same subject matter though. I kept adding my own dialog to the beginning of the story. “Fuck you, Whale!” “Fuck you, Dolphin!”

If you like the Agents of Atlas or the Avengers, this is the book for you. I know I will be getting the next issue to see what happens next.

IM

Title: New Avengers #61
By: Brian Bendis, Stuart Immonen and Daniel Acuna

The art was utterly fantastic, the story not so much and, again, it had nothing to do with the Siege.

The End

J.

Hey folks, Elliott here. As 2009 draws to a close, I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for following us this year. It’s been a year of ups and downs, highs and lows, ins and out- you get my drift.

I say in all sincerity that I am incredibly grateful for the CCW*TV Nation. You guys and gals are the reason we do our silly little show. Jose and I will often say that we have some of the best viewers on ‘the interwebs.’ Everyone respects each other and the comment boards are relatively troll free.

That is not to say that we don’t always agree, and that things never get heated, but hey, families go through disagreements all the time. And that’s what I consider you all, part of my family.

The dream made real...

The most prestigious award in comics!

So before I get all mushy (too late!) I wanna close 2009 with a comment made by our own ‘Locusmortis‘ on the Golden Loeb Award post. It’s passionate, thoughtful and well-argued. I may not think he’s right on all points, but I think this exemplifies what the CCW Nation is, comic book fans who care about comics:

“Every award series needs a “Lifetime Acheivement Award” which I nominate the person who inspired the name of these awards, the esteemed Jeph Loeb who started from the low of Onslaught and Heroes Reborn then rose to the heights The Long Halloween and the Marvel “Colours” series (all done with Tim Sale….hmmmm) then proceeded to low after low after low culminating with Rulk and Ultimatum.

For the 2009 Golden Loeb I nominate Marvel Comics for the following reasons:

  1. Overpriced books – both the $3.99 for 22 story pages and the 3.99 and 4.99 “special issues” bulked out by unnecessary reprints and crappy added “matter”. There is a recession, did you not get that news Marvel??? If you want my money you better damn well give me good value for it.
  2. Rulk – An insult to Hulk fans, an insult to Greg Pak after the very good Planet Hulk series, an insult to fans of good comics.
  3. The death and humiliation of the Ultimate line of comics – horrible writing, overrated art, overpriced books, complete disarray in terms of direction.
  4. The X-books – back in the 80’s the Uncanny X-men was the best comic of that era, now Uncanny is a mess despite Fraction and hosts Greg Lands horrible art. Legacy is just boring boring boring and as for the other books?…who really cares?
  5. Brian BendisThe New Avengers are a disorganised mess, a loose collection of 70’s misfits plus a couple of marquee characters who sit around doing nothing but eat chinese food and watch tv for issue after issue except when they are having the crap kicked out of them. Then the Dark Avengers, a loose collection of arseholes who all talk in the same voice despite vast differences in age and experience plus Moonstone who suddenly becomes the team bike (always available for a ride), the Sentry who alternately rips peoples heads off or cowers in the corner like a pussy and Tommy Lee Jones who leads the team and convinces Barack obama and the public that he should be put in charge of a multi-billion dollar espionage agency despite being a known murderer and supervillian.
  6. Captain America: Reborn – What the fuck happened you Ed Brubaker? 50 issues of good Captain America stories then you decide to rush into bringing back Steve Rogers by replacing a $2.99 book with a $3.99 one for no good reason except for Marvel to pillage peoples wallets during a recession. The book then acquires an extra issue just so Bryan Hitch can draw more splash pages which he can sell on to collectors later. This means the series drags on and on and fucks with the timing of other books which then destroys ANY remaining suspense.

    Added to this is that Reborn is just so fucking BORING! It ends up being a recap of the previous 50 issues, so so unncessary and so symptomatic of a year where Marvel alienates many of its own fans.

  7. And then theres the doozy, Dark Reign – a year long fest of BORING fed by hordes of uninteresting, unnecessary, overpriced shitty mini-series like Dark Reign: Lethal Legion, Dark Reign: Zodiac, Dark Reign: Mister Negative.

Spinning out of the vastly unsatisfying mess of Secret Invasion we have an “event” (or non-event as it transpired” inflicted on the entire Marvel Universe which means that Norman Osborne appears in EVERY FUCKING COMIC for a year and the heroes of the Marvel Universe are shit on from a great height by Brian Bendis and his genius plan for this shitfest.”  – Locusmortis

And on that note: we close 2009.

See you all in 2010!

Elliott

Work has been kinda insane the last couple of days hence no new posts and for that I am sorry. While I try to collect myself check out our Bendis Triple Play treat from this week’s CCW TV installments. Ya, most of you have probably already seen them but ripping on Bendis never gets old right? I’ll be back tomorrow hopefully feeling refreshed with some news, reviews, a question of the week and possibly more. Enjoy.

J.

Yeesh

Title: Dark Avengers #10
Writer: Brian Bendis
Art: Mike Deodato
Publisher: Marvel
Price: $3.99
Pages: 32

I’m going to be completely honest with you. I have been sitting here staring at a blank screen on my laptop for the last twenty minutes trying to think of a way to tackle this review. Scratch that. I should say that I am trying to think of a somewhat CLEVER way to tackle this review but I can’t think of one. Though, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a book so god damn boring and uncreative could in any way inspire a creative review. It’s like this comic is just a black hole sucking out all of the creativity and imagination from my mind. And with no creativity or imagination around to write a clever review all I am left with is my fucking anger. My fucking anger for, yet again, having to read another pointless Bendis comic. My anger for, yet again, having to read his “cool and witty” dialogue. My anger for, yet again, him insulting women. I should point out in his defense that he didn’t have a character randomly call Ms. Marvel a whore in this issue but instead Bendis actually MADE Ms. Marvel a whore in this issue. He sure puts the ‘ass’ in ‘class’ doesn’t he? But we’ll get back to that point in a minute.

Issue #10 begins with very quick 5 page story of two college women driving through a town called Dinosaur located in the state of Colorado. One of the women, who is the daughter of the U.S. Secretary of State, is being taken on a road trip by her BFF to get away for a while from her cheating boyfriend. While stopping at a diner for a pee (women, huh? you can’t take them anywhere without them having them go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. Am I right guys?) something unspeakable happens to the two college students off panel and they go missing. Moral of the Bendis Story? Girls, stay in your abusive relationships with your cheating boyfriends and under no circumstances should you ever leave them or something quite terrible will happen to you. That’s what I took away from this cautionary tale anyway.

After that little prologue we are greeted by a splash page of Ares cutting the Man-Thing in two with his battle ax. Why? Because Man-Thing was apparently on Norman Osborn’s Shit List…or something like that. But as we all know Man-Thing can’t really totally be cut in half because he can regenerate and stuff so this little bit really makes no sense but that has never stopped Bendis before. After the bisection of Man-Thing, Bullsye and Ares have some cute little dialogue between themselves…but what’s this? One of the Dark Avengers feels kinda bad for the Man-Thing and that Dark Avenger in none other than Venom. It turns out that the medication dose that Victoria Hand has been giving Gargan is a little off which is now making Venom…a little off. And yes, this fucking “Venom acting like a pussy because of his meds” joke goes throughout the ENTIRE fucking issue. Bendis is all about subtlety don’t ya know. At least he didn’t have Venom eat someone, yet again, in this issue.

The next scene takes place in Avengers Tower during the following morning where we find the Dark Avengers…eating breakfast, YET AGAIN, and drinking coffee, YET AGAIN. What the fuck, man? I swear to fucking god that that is all the New Avengers and Dark Avengers do in their comics. They sit around their kitchen table eating breakfast/chinese food and drinking coffee. Drink coffee and eat and eat and drink coffee. That is some high concept superhero shit right there me friends. Jeeeeezus. Ok, back to the DA eating breakfast and some awesome Bendis dialogue:

Ms. Marvel (asking Victoria Hand): Where is Osborn?

Bullseye: Why? Is he next on your to-do list?

Ms. Marvel: No. You are.

Bullseye: You couldn’t even come close to handling it.

Ms. Marvel: Try me.

Aaaand then the two make “fuck me” eyes at each other for another couple of panels. Here’s some more classic Bendis:

Bendis Baby Wolverine: Where is Osborn?

Victoria Hand: He’s got a lot on his plate. Not just you guys.

Bendis Baby Wolverine: You don’t know.

Ares: Leave it be.

Bendis Baby Wolverine: No. I can smell a lie. Especially on A WOMAN. They reek when they lie. And she’s lying.

So, what, do guys small like fresh picked roses when they lie? Why in Fuck City am I reading this in an “Avengers” comic? And why do editor’s think that it’s ok to print this shit in a Marvel comic? I’m glad though to see Bendis had some more insults left in his Bag O’ Misogyny. I was kinda getting worried there for a while that he had finally come to his senses.

I had some other observations about this comic I was going to make but let’s just jump right to the biggest problem I had with it. A few pages after talking about banging each other we see Bullseye and Ms. Marvel having another conversation which leads to Ms. Marvel taking off her top and “seductively(?)” inviting Bullseye into her room. In the last panel of the page we see a huge shit eating grin on Bulleye’s face. I can not relay to you in words alone how completely classless this page is. And when I see Bullseye’s bald headed face all I can think of is Brian Bendis finding it awesome that he is finally getting to write Ms. Marvel as the whore that he thinks she is. Now, before you get all in my face about this bullshit, I am quite certain that she is playing Bullseye in some way that will benefit Marvel Boy…but still, a better writer would have thought of a more imaginative way about doing it without making a Marvel character into a whore. I guess that’s just Bendis writing what he knows, huh?

I think that’s where I am going to end this review. There is some other shit that happens with The Sentry and a cliff hanger ending that Bendis completely pulls out of his ass. And that’s about it. The cliffhanger, I think, is supposed to make the reader sympathize with Osborn and the Dark Avengers because of the situation they are put in but I could really care less about them so it doesn’t really work. Now, if they all die in the next issue I would definitely care about that because it will have meant that Marvel finally did something right.

J.